Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
