He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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