Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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