dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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