My Higher Power is John Stamos
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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