the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
