Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
