i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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