I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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