32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
