How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
