Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
