You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
