your room smells of hookers.
And success
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize