So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
