it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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