i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize