just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
