I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
