i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
