what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
my shit smells like andre
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm experimenting with sincerity
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
