Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
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