Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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