What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
