There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
