I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
