Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
