The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
