So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
