ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
two words: eviction party
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
