My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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