Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You may now shotgun with the bride
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
