I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
