dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
The power of my boobs compel you
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
