That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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