spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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