What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
