where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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