his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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