true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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