I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
