They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
