Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
