Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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