She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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