I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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