you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
