god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
420 ftw
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
