When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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