wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
