Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
