jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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