you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize