the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
