If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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