Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
