my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
