I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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