Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
i've created a new STD.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
