Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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