So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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