I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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