we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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