if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
