he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
There are leaves in my underwear?
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