i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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