You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
