Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
