So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
