I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
