We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I could fuck to npr.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
